


Killing Me Slowly

by Travelilah



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Awkward Flirting, Crack, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Teasing, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:33:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25893700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Travelilah/pseuds/Travelilah
Summary: Pleasure and pain: can't have one without the other, especially if you have something to gain.So join in, come and read this seductive game. Enjoy the teasing and torture, as feelings grow surer.But will it be heartbreak or love ache in the end?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Darcy Lewis
Comments: 15
Kudos: 48





	1. It’s killing me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lavachick85](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavachick85/gifts).



> To my wonderful and darling friend, you are the best and I hope to write as good as you when I grow up. Thanks for putting up with me and helping me be a better writer. This is for you, even if it's not a surprise, hopefully later chapters will be.

**.i.**

She could feel the vibrations of the enginge right through the soles of her Doc’s, and its roar echoed off the concrete walls. Finally, a flash of chrome came into view, and she made out it was a Harley from the build of the bike. 

Then the rider came into view.... “Christ on a bike.” 

Or Jesus’ cousin. Hell, maybe even a relative of Thor’s.

Whoever the guy was, _holy shit._

Long-haired and sporting a leather jacket, he looked like he’d strolled off the cover of a romance novel.

She bit her lip as he rolled to a stop several parking spots over from the ScienceMobile. He kicked out the stand and killed the engine. Darcy took the chance to duck behind the many crates of scientific equipment to avoid being caught gawking. 

The dude hadn’t worn a helmet, so his hair was a wind-swept mess. He raked a gloved hand through brown mane, pushing back the loose strands. It looked so soft, and she bet it'd be heaven to run her fingers through it.

Then, the next best thing happened: he took off his jacket. Her jaw may have hit the floor when a set of broad shoulders and a thick torso was revealed. Darcy didn’t even notice the whole metal arm thing until later. Being more focussed on how his bicep strained against the sleeve of his t-shirt as he pulled his hair up into a bun.

“Ngh.” Her hand rushed up to cover her mouth.

Did she just make that noise? Out loud?

Oh hell, she did. And worse, it appeared he had heard her.

**Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity. Fuck. Shit.**

She ducked down and did a commando crawl back to the ScienceMobile. Popping up into a crouch near the box of cables, she dove her hand into the mess, trying to look busy.

She hunched her shoulders over as the heavy footfalls of boots got closer. Of course, he’d come to check out the weird sound. Maybe if she kept her head down he'd just walk straight past her. 

The footsteps came to a stop, and she resisted the urge to look up. Maybe he’d left the garage? And she could go back to dealing with her shame and—

“What cha' doing down there, honey?”

She jumped. The dude was right there. 

An easy grin spread across his face, showing off a perfect set of teeth and amazing jaw. She felt her cheeks heat again and her stomach drop. 

Once her brain got with the program, she smiled back. “Uh hi.” _So awkward._

He raised a brow. “You needed a hand with anything, Miss...?”

Darcy shook her head. “Lewis, and I'm fine. No need to worry about me." 

“Bucky Barnes,” he supplied, still grinning. “Nice to meet you, doll. So what you doing down here all on your own?”

“I work in the Labs. I’m just prepping some equipment for Jane. She's my boss. What about you? You new? Signing on to be part of the Avengers?” She gestured to his arm. 

He shifted so he could lean against the van. “Nah, I’m just here visiting a friend. Was wondering though, do I have something on my face? Figured that must've been why you were starring earlier?”

Darcy blanched. “Oh god. I'm so sorry."

Bucky, bless his soul, had the audacity to look confused. “Sorry for what, doll?”

“Making goo-goo eyes at you. I promise, I’m working on it. And you’d think after the exposure of working here after a few weeks I’d be over it? But no, I’m not. And I’m so sorry, now I’ve made things awkward…” She took a big breath and kept going, her filter still not kicking in. “And no, there’s nothing on your face. I just think you’re pretty and I like shiny things so I think your arm is cool and your bike. Oh my god, I can’t stop talking. And holy shit, why aren’t you running away from the weird girl right now?”

Instead, he shook with silent laughter. Blue eyes bright and staring through to her soul. “Now, why would I wanna run away from a gorgeous dame like you?”

Her heart stuttered. “Huh?” 

"Exactly," he said, straightening up and moving forward until he was next to her. "Want a hand up?" He held out a gloved hand, the one belonging to the silver arm. 

"Ah, sure?" She took the offer and found herself on her feet before her brain could catch up. "Whoa." She stumbled, holding her hands out to try and catch her balance. One hand on his firm chest and she pulled it away like it'd burned her.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean too--"

He waved her off. "Stop apologising, doll. A man would be lucky to have a beautiful woman like you give them the time of day let alone spare a touch."

Was he...flirting with her? No way, no how, but she still had to check. "Um, don't take this the wrong way, but are you actually flirting with me? I mean, if you're just being nice that's cool."

Bucky winked. “If you have to ask then I guess I’m not doing a very good job.”

“Ngn.” God, save her ovaries.

* * *

After a few more awkward encounters, Darcy learned that Bucky had officially moved in (“I like the view around here.”) and lived on the same floor as her. It took another week for her to piece together that Bucky Barnes was a flirt, charmer and security disarmed. 

It’d been after a team dinner, where she’d acted as Thor’s plus one. Bucky had sat next to her and they chatted the whole night away. As things wound down, he’d kissed her on the cheek and strolled off to his room. She’d sat there for a few moments, too stunned to move.

When she came back to Earth, she’d noticed Steve giving her an appraising look. “What?” She raised a hand to her cheek.

Steve looked unsure for a second, but finally said, “Nothing, doll. Just don’t want you getting hurt.”

She frowned. “What d’you mean?” 

Steve pointed to her cheek. “That. Bucky is... Bucky. He has a way with dames. They fell for him back in the day and looks like he still has that effect now. And you’re a good girl, Darcy, I don’t want to see you getting hurt.”

She nodded, swallowing back the lump in her throat. “Yeah, I kinda figured. I saw him with Nat the other day. I mean, I know he’s a friendly and...” she trailed off, not knowing what else to say. She looked up at Steve and gave a small smile. “He’s still a good guy, it’s Bucky. I get it.”

“Yeah, just Bucky being Bucky,” Steve confirmed, looking sad, almost. “Still, be careful, okay?”

“Don’t worry about me, Cap.” She gave him a cheeky grin. “Takes a lot more than a kiss to woo a girl these days.”

Steve chucked, but seemed happy with her answer. He excused himself from the table, leaving Darcy there with the wait staff as they cleaned up the remains of dinner.

Darcy poured herself another glass of champagne and mulled over the conversation in her head. Steve was right. She had to be careful. But Bucky made her want to be careless, to let go. To have fun and laugh, and that was just what made him so dangerous.

So she promised herself there and then; friends, nothing more. 

And over the coming months, she got better at telling herself it didn’t mean anything. That her heart didn’t race whenever Bucky threw a sly grin or quick wink her way. That the lingering looks were his way of being a tease. His light kisses on the cheek were friendly. 

Still, she couldn’t deny that secret part of her that longed for more.


	2. I built these walls to hide my ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy some Bucky POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Freeeeeeeeee, freeee writing. No-beta. Written at work and I'm trying not to over think it and to let it be :)

[Song inspiring the Fic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dhx_SGsuNfE)

* * *

**.ii.**

“What’re you scowling at, punk?” Bucky asked as he emerged from his room. He paused in front of the mirror to check his suit and hair. He tweaked his bowtie and glanced over his shoulder at Steve. “Drawing not turning out like you wanted?”

Steve shook his head. “You know you’re playing with fire, right?”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” he shot back as he sprayed on some cologne.

Steve let out an annoyed grunt and set his sketchbook aside. “Come on, man, don’t play dumb. What’re you doing with Darcy?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’m not doing anything bad.  Just  some harmless fun. God knows you could use some.”

Steve went to answer, but got cut off as Bucky’s phone rang. Bucky answered the call and put it on the loudspeaker. “Hey, doll. Were your ears burning? We were  just  talking about you.”

Darcy giggled. “Good things, I hope. Are you ready? I’ve been waiting for like five minutes now. And Tony and Pepper already left and I don’t want to be the last ones to get there.”

“Yeah, all right. I’ll meet you in the lobby, see you soon, honey.” Bucky ended the call and shoved the phone back into his pocket. “Don’t wait up for me,” he called out as he headed out the door, not wanting to give Steve the chance to gear up into lecture mode.

Bucky spent the short lift ride down, shrugging and shifting his suit around. He hid it well, but he still found it nerve-wracking to be getting dressed up and heading out into public.  Sure, he’d come a long way since his Winter Soldier days, and he felt more like his old-self than ever, but that dark corner of his mind still lingered  .  Rearing its head on his darkest days, and showing up at random moments - panic ate away his hard won confidence, and he hated that .

Lost in his thoughts, he exited the lift and made for the front door, not even noticing Darcy sitting on the lounge beside the reception desk .

“Gonna leave without me, huh?” she called out.

Bucky came to a halt and spun on his heel. “I’m sorry, doll—Wow.”

Dressed in a black silky number that spilled to the floor, she was all smooth skin and curves. Bucky stayed in place as she got up and strode over. He could tell she had heels on, and as she got closer, he could smell her perfume. She always smelt amazing, but tonight she’d chosen something new. Spicy.

His eyes continued to travel up. He faltered when he came to the open front of her dress. Her assets were on display, and he licked his lips as he watched how they shifted as she walked.

“Eyes up here, soldier,” she cackled, bright red lips wide with a cheeky smile.

A hot flush creeped across his neck. He’d  just  been sprung. Clearing his throat, he went to apologise, “I’m sorry, doll, I shoulda-“ she held up a hand to silence him.

“I  honestly  don’t mind.  Just  don’t be mad if I stare back at your ass. Call it even, yeah?”

“Sounds like a deal, doll,” he said, smiling back at her. This dame, he didn’t know what to say or do. She kept him on his toes, and she treated him like another guy. “You look amazing, honey.” She  really  did, and he thanked his lucky stars that he’d asked her to come out to the Veterans Gala.

She looped a hand around his arm. “I know. And so do you, handsome and beautiful.” She groaned. “Nevermind. You rock the suit. Now let’s get going.”

He chuckled as she dragged him out the door and over to the limo.

A short ride later, and they spilled out of the car. Darcy giggling and Bucky along with her.  They’d made a bit of the mess in the back, popping the bottle of wine they’d found and trying to pour it  just  as they’d gone around a corner  . Luckily, neither of them ended up wearing it, but the same couldn’t  be said  for the seat.

At the function itself, they made a small entrance, sneaking through the crowds and jumping straight into mingling, having already missed a large  portion  of the presentation and speeches . But not in time to miss the clip dedicated as a surprise to Bucky.

The first few minutes of the film didn’t bother him. But as the sound effects came in, his vision became blurry. His hands trembled and panic sank in. He shifted himself as far away from the crowd that he could, tucking himself behind a pillar.

Darcy found him a few minutes into the attack and did her best to try to calm him down. As he swam back to the surface, he felt her hands tracing his arms and his heart took off.

She was the first person to see him this vulnerable. He’d crafted his mask with such care, and it fucking terrified him. So he brushed her arms away, straightened himself up, and let the facade fall back into place. He couldn’t let her in, he couldn’t let her see his ghosts.

“Bucky!”

She heard her call after him, but he didn’t pause. He had to rebuild the walls. He couldn’t let her in. He avoided her for the rest of the night, ducking and diving between conversations as she got close. He had nowhere to run at the end of the night as they climbed back into the limo.

She sat  stiffly  on the other side of the seat, staring out the window, her hair a curtain covering her face. He reached a hand out to her, guilt hitting him like a punch to the stomach. “Honey, I’m sorry about earlier. I-”

“Don’t,” she snapped, pulling herself away from his touch. “I don’t want to hear it. Whatever happened, let’s  just  forget about it, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, falling back into the seat and staring out his own window.

He wished he knew why it was so hard to let her in. He wanted to, but he kept failing. Maybe he needed to quit her all together....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is wanted and appreciated :)


	3. But I don't wanna give you away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TWO POV - dual wielding!

* * *

**.iii.**

* * *

The next day came, and he got worried when he didn’t see Darcy at breakfast. Or lunch. His fears were abated when she strutted up to the counter of the break room.

Bucky looked up from the paper he’d been reading. The twinkle in her eye promised trouble. He quirked a brow and twirled his finger in a ‘get on with it’ gesture.

She poked her tongue out at him before she asked, “Guess what’s for dinner tonight?”

She practically quivered with delight as she waited for the answers to come rolling in. Several other voices popped up, shouting out a variety of cuisines, “Thai”, “Japanese”, “Italian!”

She shook her head at each one, and bit her lip, probably to hold back the slew of giggles, threatening to take over. Not wanting to make it easy, Bucky finally thew in his opinion, “You naked on a plater?”

Darcy burst out laughing, and Sam choked on coffee.

“Not quite, my guy. That’s tomorrow,” she said with a wink. “Guess again.”

Bucky scratched his chin in pretend thought. “I’m going to have to go with... home-made Darcy Lewis style Bacon and Eggs.

“Bingo,” she threw her hands up, “we have a winner. Please proceed to the kitchen at 6 PM to collect your prize.”

Bucky shot her a flirty grin. “And what do I have to do to get the menu for tomorrow-” a swift kick to his shin cut him off. He glanced up to see a disapproving scowl on Sam’s face. He rolled his eyes and played it off as casually as he could. “Sounds good, doll.”

Any concern evaporated from her expression, and she jumped right back in to being bubbly and full of energy. “Great, I’ll see you then.”

She spun on her heel and headed over to the elevator, probably due back at the Labs to corral the science folk. He purposefully raised the paper up to block out the stare he felt Sam trying to burn into his face.

He knew he needed to cut out the flirting. A million and one lectures from Steve, Sam and even Nat, bounced around in his skull constantly; reminding him that Darcy wasn’t some casual fling. _‘She’s part of the damn family, Bucky. She’s like our sister, and we don’t want to see her getting hurt. So just — try to tone it back alright?’_

He rolled his eyes again and tried to pick out the paragraph in the article he’d been reading. He got what they were saying but damn, no way did he think of Darcy as his sister.

* * *

Two days after ‘the event’ and Darcy felt confident enough to say that things were totally back to normally. Her lusting after the guy that she could never have. Watching from the side-lines and daydreaming of the day that he might want to actually date her…

Maybe she needed to reconsider coming down to the training gym on her lunch break. Or not. The view that laid before her - one of the best in the city. If anybody asked, shed deny it to her last breath that her glasses fogged up at least twice every time she came to watch.

Somebody else had noticed her presence, as she spotted Bucky jogging over, a bright smile on his face. She tampered down the urge to bolt and fixed a nice cheery smile on her face.

"Hey, Lewis. What are you doing down here? You finally escape the mad scientists?"

She shrugged. "Figured, I'd come down and see what all the fuss is about."

Bucky kicked up an eyebrow. "Sure. Who are you running from now?"

She screwed up her nose. "Tony. He keeps trying to make me sign the paperwork to officially start working for him. And I'm not ready for that. You know?"

"Yeah," he nodded, brushing a hand through his damp hair. "I get that."

Darcy swallowed as she watched the muscles flex in his arm from the movement. His forearms and biceps were solid muscle, and she could see that they'd actually gotten bigger.

How was that possible? He was already super soldier fit. Yeah, he'd been working out more of late but..

"Darce?"

She zipped her eyes up to his."Sorry, what?"

"I asked if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight. Steve is out with Nat."

Darcy nodded before she had time to actually process the question.

Bucky grinned back and glanced over his shoulder at the weights. "I gotta wrap this up but I'll come and grab you when I'm done."

She smiled in agreement and she watched him turn and walk away.

"Whoa," she exhaled, while the rest of her mind went blank. She didn't blink, didn't breath, she just stared.

He’d worn a loose pair of basketball shorts, and his thighs and ass are were there. On display for the entire world (maybe just her) to see and goddamn like she would not look. Her boy was thicc, and she wishes more than ever that they could be more than friends.

She scrubbed a hand over her face, and she reminded herself for the millionth time - that would never happen.

**Author's Note:**

> Silly, cracky, not to be taken seriously. maybe a little. HMU with that feedback!


End file.
